tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15661115275870796062024-03-23T03:51:55.438-07:00ghosttypedonal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-73376701143142134472015-06-28T23:11:00.002-07:002015-06-28T23:11:50.824-07:00PRIDE NYC / FAMILY- OCTOBER COUNTRY UPDATE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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DOWNSTATE : PRIDE NYC<br />
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UPSTATE : FAMILY UPDATE<br />
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-52974351929930397292015-03-12T14:42:00.003-07:002015-03-12T14:57:08.122-07:00HERE AND THERE AND THERE AND THERE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
PORTLAND </div>
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NEVA</div>
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EMBERS</div>
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OREGON TO CALIFORNIA</div>
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SAN FRANCISCO</div>
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THE SENSUAL WORLD OF KATE BUSH ( drag) at MOTHER SF</div>
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COLUMBIA MISSOURI<br />
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-16834985137608904862015-01-01T22:07:00.003-08:002015-01-01T22:29:40.726-08:00MUNICH<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Fassbinder's Grave</div>
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Dachau</div>
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The Alps</div>
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-9898554060304419082014-11-01T23:34:00.002-07:002014-11-01T23:50:59.134-07:00OCTOBER<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-49320019351931160882014-09-21T16:31:00.001-07:002014-09-22T12:20:47.951-07:00MEPHISTOPHELES ON A BAR STOOL - Notes on the suicide of a friend.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">A glittering stream of small headlights pass below the window of my 9th floor hotel room. The sound of traffic is so present that the place seems built over the highway. Soft, bass heavy waves and hissing, plaintive drones slide through the room, invoking a feelings of monotonous velocity and destinations not yet reached. If I close my eyes I swear freightliners and big Texas cars are passing under the bed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The window, a wall of glass really, does not open. Brown Iron slats cross the surface and seem there to keep me in as much as to support the glass. I push my eye as close to the glass as possible, looking down, to see how far below the ground actually is. Just before arriving here, I learned that my friend Ben jumped from a building in downtown Portland. Tonight, in this high room, I can’t stop wondering what he felt, there on the edge, at the very last moments, the dark street below rocking with his movements... What sound does a living body make as it falls through space? Is there a plaintive drone produced by its velocity? And the impact? What sound ? and what silence after? Below, out on I-35, headlights slip away into vast, dark Texas with the windy sound of wheels on hard road.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Ben came to my porch on an autumn night with a bottle of wine. I don’t remember much of the initial talk - vague and over-used words covering our physical assessments of each other. But soon the conversation was real and we were two strangers curious about each other. He said he’d stay but just to talk and cuddle - that’s what he needed most. I believe that really was his only intention and holding each other was more intimate than the sex we ended up having. He’d just come from Chicago. I remember his stories of gambling; hints of some serious debauchery; portraits of Chicago characters. He talked of growing up in poor white areas of Portland (a fact that surprised me – I’d been taken in by his convincing Chicago affectations.) He spun out some Libertarian nonsense, some muddled Christian musings; some class shame and some poor boy pride. He talked like the words had been building up for weeks </span><span style="font: 11.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">un</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">til the early, hungover light sent us to sleep. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">In people like Ben contradictions collide and spark a convulsive, fascinating light –a match in their own darkness. Ben’s love and affection were bright and buoyant; his private appetites were dark and alienating. He was a talented actor, especially off stage. His best roles included the wily poker shark; the smart backwoods boy who ran off to the city; the sensitive critic; and, most convincingly, the irresistible, indulgence provoking devil. He played this role with a wide, bright grin that bit through my will power as easily as a tooth passes through the skin of an apple. I can conjure him so easily, holding court with cards in hand; buying the round that was sure to fuck you up; providing drugs; flashing a dark, glossy look of invitation. Mephistopheles on a bar stool – as if wielding temptation over others gave him mastery over the Devil’s influence on his own life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Ben wept when me told me he’d been diagnosed with HIV. He said, after all he’d done, he knew it would happen but he was still so afraid. Lying against me, the bones of his upper body seemed to contract and expand, slightly, but violently with every sob.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Not long before this, Mike and I had been editing The Battle of AmFAR (Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman’s film on the history of the AIDS foundation formed by Elizabeth Taylor and Matilda Krim.) Ben was living with us then. He was mysteriously sick while we edited and nearly bedridden in the room next to our workspace. Repeated soundbites from the film bled through walls while he suffered chills, fever, rashes, nausea, and exhaustion. He certainly heard every explanation of how HIV works a hundred times, along with the constant repetition of the words plague, death toll, terror, and devastation. Small mercy – he didn’t know what was happening to him even if the film did. I realized all of this while he cried on my shoulder.</span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The most common response to sharing an HIV+ diagnosis is “It’s not the death sentence it used to be.” Friends, doctors, strangers all use these exact words. And the words are true, though to my mind, they are far more comforting to the recipient of the news than to the recipient of the virus. When I was diagnosed Ben didn’t say those words to me. He came to my rescue with love and guidance but still said “When I was diagnosed I felt it confirmed the way I’d always see myself dying </span><span style="font: 11.0px Helvetica; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">–</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> alone, broken, in a gutter.” By this time he was responding to meds and, ironically, HIV had steered him clear of heavy drugs and sexual excess. But there he was, pronouncing a self-imposed death sentence with a quiet familiarity that was chilling to hear. I didn’t have ask if he still felt that way. And I knew he wouldn’t die of some complication brought on by AIDS. HIV in his case was just an opportunistic infection. If Ben didn’t survive it would be due to the disease of self-loathing.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Not long after, he met a sweet guy with a similar past and they fell into that dangerous, seemingly life sustaining kind of love. They moved and drifted happily away into a new life, until, of course, the Devil came knocking with addiction in one hand and shame in the other. The affair came undone and left him bouncing between the homes of friends and the beds of strangers willing to indulge his worst appetites. Then I received a text that simply said “I feel like giving up.” I called him, and here’s the sickening irony of the whole thing – we talked about how he felt he had no ground beneath his feet. I thought I’d talked him into a better space, but Ben was an actor till the end and I didn’t suspect what he was about to do. In jumping, he returned to the ground he’d lost and the gutter he’d chosen as his fate. And the gutter took his body, but at least the ground covers it now. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Ben my friend, my brother by virus if not by blood, it’s raining in Austin and I wish you were here with me now. You should have been getting flirtatious Texan smiles from local guys because you had a role in one of the films at the Gay Lesbian Film Festival. You should have been out dancing with us tonight, forgetting your pain among the music and sweat and mud at the Star Gayzer Music Festival. Most of all, you should never have had to suffer the pain that took you. I raise a plastic cup of cheap beer in your honor, Ben. I think of Lucinda Williams singing “ Did an angel whisper in your ear... in those long last moments?” I take a long drink to give the Devil his due.</span></span></div>
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(photo by Mike Palmieri - all other images of Ben taken from his MySpace page)<br />
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-58110700631484318292014-07-05T19:04:00.000-07:002014-07-05T19:07:01.378-07:00Fourth of July<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Some American things:</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Sunlight, smeared lipstick, Whitney Houston’s “Star Spangled Banner” lip synched, a wig waving like an underwater plant, a patriotic track-suit crinkling, bitter vodka from a yellow squirt gun, empty streets waiting for darkness and fireworks, a newscast about Irag from a curtained window, a child with a sparkler chasing a small white dog, American cheese on a pale tortilla, the red walls of a bar, stories of growing up in rough ‘hoods in L.A. with a hair metal dad, stories of working in porn and being a slave house boy, stories of him finding her online in rural Oregon - two years later here they are all dressed up and visiting the city - the rounded folds of the latex cop uniform, Blondie lyrics “...with your badge and rubber boots...” a leash extended with a tender threat, rhinestones decorating a tiny padlock on a collar, the night air still warm, booms and rattles all quiet, the wind carrying the scents of flowers and gunpowder.</span></div>
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donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-13152741521432812362014-06-15T18:24:00.002-07:002014-06-16T09:42:55.605-07:00San Francisco<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I didn't have the heart to photograph the shining new places and people. The Google camera car zipping down Valencia St. can do that without my help. Let new SF look upwards, forwards – I'd rather look down. This city has always kept its diary in its gutters. </div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The changes in San Francisco seem less surprising when the afternoon the fog comes rolling down the hills, determined to make an airy substance of all in its </span>path. Whole neighborhoods appear and disappear. The Bay fades and returns. Vapor cinema.</div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">In the whirl overhead bodies twist, fold, encounter each other – sweat evaporates in soft clouds – spastic, hurried, then slow, slow breaths exhale – In the expanding arms of mist there is a quivering night, finally happening, with someone that you’ve wanted for so long – there’s the happy gliding of walking towards the home of a beloved –there’s downward pull of wandering drunk and heartbroken – there’s the circular current of those going from work to home to work – there’s the bristle of the thousands of dollars that pass through the city every hour – there’s the apartment window once bright, now darkened by the high-rise condo that cuts off all light and view.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Like the fog the wind gathers the city into itself – sirens, construction banging, words, sighs, shouts of pain and defiance, grunts, whispers, lover’s truths, political lies, testimonies, eulogies, memories recounted, lives made up between shots of whisky and late night pillows, secrets spoken alone at 5 a.m.. Beneath it all, finally, the last breaths, the last words, the memory of a silence that equaled death, made all the more clear by the rush of the wind and the snap of the gigantic rainbow flag of above the Castro. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Nearby, a soiled red shirt waves from a shrub that marks some abandoned, homeless lovers’ camp. There are empty lube packets scattered about– small, single use ones, labeled “I.D. moments.” Identity moments. Time leaked out of torn plastic. No condoms in sight –only the Ironic evidence of quick, anonymous, unprotected fucks in the rattlesnake grass. For some life here on the ground isn’t any more solid than the fog above.</span></div>
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There's so much that could be written about SF - what's gone. what's going, what remains – I'll leave it with this:</div>
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donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-55252791886655511352014-01-01T21:55:00.000-08:002014-01-01T21:55:28.532-08:002013 - here and there - my favorites in no real order<br />
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Seattle</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGdT3P4QoW7EOaqt0U88eJpJzGPtBoI75n7g0eAFATGjgrAknH__zP3WXjzx8jnHkakWNXlaHT6YItgEkhEQku016N7Zna-k_XEKp9HFo77mYNApc4ApJ8OEWoWQlrrhd2g3Yum6hi-6M/s1600/P1030372.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGdT3P4QoW7EOaqt0U88eJpJzGPtBoI75n7g0eAFATGjgrAknH__zP3WXjzx8jnHkakWNXlaHT6YItgEkhEQku016N7Zna-k_XEKp9HFo77mYNApc4ApJ8OEWoWQlrrhd2g3Yum6hi-6M/s400/P1030372.JPG" width="225" /></a></div>
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<b>Brendan</b></div>
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<b>Seattle</b></div>
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Michael</div>
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<b>Portland</b></div>
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<b>club chemtrail</b></div>
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<b>Queerlandia</b></div>
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<b>Embers (New Year's Eve 2012)</b></div>
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<b>Louisiana and rural Mardi Gras</b></div>
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<b>Alex</b></div>
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<b>Portland</b></div>
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<b>Neva</b> </div>
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-83360980392361070492013-12-27T19:24:00.003-08:002013-12-27T19:24:47.943-08:00December <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-34066882377671538502013-12-08T14:27:00.005-08:002013-12-08T14:29:19.400-08:00SEATTLE <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-5052399524993914242013-11-16T20:52:00.003-08:002013-12-08T14:16:41.155-08:00TUCSON<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-51361165811696766932013-11-07T09:34:00.002-08:002013-11-07T13:04:26.889-08:00 This October's Ghost List : Haints, Taints, and Some Still Are /Aint Happenings.<div style="text-align: center;">
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Church bells, doorbells, the sound of children’s voices
trick or treating, and my mother’s laughter – a rare carefree version of her
laughter –all mingling in the dark Herkimer air.</div>
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The severe depression era dresses of my great-great
grandmother laid out on the bed after her funeral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The confusion of her absence in my seven-year-old world. The
smell of a pumpkin pie and the women arriving, packing up her belongings,
talking in sad, fond voices.</div>
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NYC in 85. A lean punk rock messenger boy takes me on his delivery route. We end up in a high-rise, office tower on an empty floor awaiting reconstruction. The place is huge, raw, and battered. We kiss heavily. He reaches toward the fly of my jeans and I notice the lines of scars and bruises along his arms. I’m 17 and junkies have only been in books and songs till now. I tell him I have to go. I think about his arm as the Staten Island Ferry takes me over the water. I think more about his lips, about what might have, what I should have, why I didn’t… till I reach the home and there is Michelle, with her round hips, pale face, and eyes darkened by Siouxsie style make-up. For the first time I see naïveté in the gothic/punk trappings of our life and home. I like this innocence and want to keep it safe, which make me hate it. </div>
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Boys fall like leaves, or rather, deciduous by nature I fall for them… Being in love with Brook and SF in the 90’s when I first arrived there – the whole gorgeous, shabby Halloween parade that place and that time was… Colter’s masks – faces as galaxies, leaves, waterfalls, other masks – all the things I saw in his face everyday when we woke together… Waking with Mike, our first October in Portland, with October Country and all the crazy mix of love and creating together filling the room and the house and the days… Alex waiting in my bed after the Halloween party two years ago. His furry faun pants lay crumpled by the bed. Pan has transformed into a drunk and tender young man who nervously tells me he likes me and asks if we can date… The floor creaks in the dead of night. It’s Michael in the kitchen back from one of his restless missions. He slips into bed and wraps me in the lonely charm of the streets at 1 a.m. In the morning his sleeping face is like a slender new blossom. The house blooms with flowers he raided from dark gardens.</div>
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Speckled skulls and gaunt faces of Halloween decorations glow and hang in yards and windows. Watchful. The presence of HIV in my life fills these death’s heads with the faces of those who suffered and died in the pre-medicated past. They chill me backward and forward in time, these ghosts of unavailable medicine. All the holiday's fake blood –spilled and splattered on screens, cloth and skin –that means something else now too. For those whose blood carries and transmits disease, it’s as if fake blood, synthetic and toxic, has replaced your own.</div>
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donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-44933266053583376292013-10-24T00:00:00.000-07:002013-10-24T10:52:44.304-07:00NEW ORLEANS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Stepping out under a low, wool textured sky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The air is almost fibrous – as if
someone took a warm, wet quilt and made a gas of it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Nothing is unexpected but everything is a surprise here. I've never been anywhere in the U.S. before where the popular media version tallies so much with the actual place. The images in TV, Movies, books, songs – they are here, alive - or perhaps half alive in the way that mythic images and mythic cities are half alive / half something spiritual -on one hand ( the left hand) an unclean or profane spirit, physical and metaphysical at the same time – on the other hand a luminous, life filled spirit, springing from desire, music, and surviving history.</span></div>
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It’s tempting to aim the camera at every bit of pealing
paint, every warped and hand painted sign, every building sagging from
lingering Katrina damage or maybe just the weight of time. The decay is
seductive because it carries familiar though urban versions of the textures of
my NC childhood. There’s more to it than this though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>New Orleans reveals the habit of images we suffer from
like no other place I’ve been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every general image has been taken or filmed already – musicians, clubs,
balconied streets in the rain or in the brass colored sun, drunks, tourists,
drag queens, lonely figures in lonely weather-beaten homes …It’s as if all the
quintessential mythical images of the South are dragged down the Mississippi
and wash up here, lodged in the city gutters and the Louisiana mud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a city where essential culture and
cliché are strung together like strings of plastic beads that lay discarded
everywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>
<br />
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Halloween is coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Plastic ghosts and devils watch from balconies and storefronts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wide eyes watch, unblinking, waiting for wicked opportunities
to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The news coverage
of Katrina and the subsequent media fascination have shown the rest of the
country that New Orleans is not just a dark carnival but a very real, very complicated
southern city. These grim and hokey sentinels however remind us that the
carnival <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>celebrates all things,
especially angry ghosts and tragic histories, masking them with images of the
gaudy and most overripe kind.</div>
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A light rain outside. The light inside the bar is downpour
dim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sharp-featured drag queen
serving us has make-up so thick and shinning she could have used butter as
foundation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Near us is a small man
with many bangles, teased up hair, and cough that surely will surely spew a
lump of his lung onto the bar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
imagine him brushing it to the floor with a click of bangles, absent-mindedly
as if it were cigarette ash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
tall man with grey hair and grey eyes enters. He’s wearing a cut off jean
jacket. His arms are covered with stars, skulls, and women –all faded to a soft
mineral blue.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can still see
the handsome man he was through the booze pink and sag.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His body is strong but his skin has
that ruddy, pinched quality of salted meat that comes from years of drinking
more alcohol than water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He tells
us that he’s only there because he’d been 86’d from all the straight bars and
he might get a squeeze on the leg and a free drink – hell of a lot better than
a fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He says he has a tumor on
his heart but refuses to have surgery because it will fuck up his tattoos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I imagine a scalpel drawing a thin,
blood-edged line through the center of crudely inked American eagle. He won’t
subscribe to that “cocksucker Obama’s communist medical plan” though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He sees our politics on our faces,
gives a halfhearted attempt at justifying his views, and then says, “I’m not
worried, and you can’t kill bad grass. But you can smoke it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On that note he and the small guy
make a weed deal and rise to smoke a bowl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the way out he asks his wheezing companion<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“How is life out at the trailer?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The response is “Oh the canary has
cancer…” and a cough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
At night the discarded plastic cups rattle all over the city
streets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The booze is gone, the
wild night had, the mistakes made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Devil certainly walks here at night and the sound of his hooves is
the sound of those cups....I meet a 65 year old banjo player on his door step. I stop
to listen. He talks of some great players who taught him and shows off his
sharp, clicking and very precise style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A young man of maybe 19 comes and sits beside him, watching me, then
closing his eyes and listening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The music stops and the old man says “ I think my boyfriend likes you,
wanna come in and fuck him?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
offer is a surprise for sure but his casual friendliness is a delightful shock.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walking away I can’t help but
imagine getting it on with the kid while the old man watched and played
thumping versions of Old Joe Clark and Shady Grove... A car turns the corner and slows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Four bulky men, all pink and blonde and drunk scream “Faggot!
Hey faggot where you going?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The car slows and sits in the road ahead waiting for me to pass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I keep silent, biting back teen
memories of beatings, forcing panic into the soles of my boots to keep them
moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They hoot from the car but
move on when then see I’m still walking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A minute later the car appears again, sliding into an intersection,
waiting, cutting me off from the direct route to the hotel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fear jumps back to life and along
with hate for being forced to play this game– a real spiked hate, for those who
have the power to put one in this position. This time I turn off a small side
street that reveals itself as I move forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They cut me off again, waiting at the far curve of the
balcony-lined street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now I
pause. And wait. And they, knowing they have me frightened, are satisfied enough
to roll on. I walk on, watching for the car, wanting to be near shadows but
afraid of them as well. I make it back to the hotel and calm in the lobby
before slipping into the dark room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The sad and hate producing thing in this little cat and mouse interlude
is how familiar the fear and helplessness feel. It’s been how many years since
I left the South and routine taunts and bashings behind?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is real time but fear, like deep Southern night, has a time
all it’s own – haunted and circular.</div>
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-68711777588574107052013-09-04T09:36:00.000-07:002013-09-04T11:36:14.377-07:00upstate update<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In the Utica rail station I imagine my grandmother waiting
for my grandfather’s returning train at the end of WWII.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I picture her leaning against a column with her eyes watching everything; her fingers knotting behind her back; her
skirts swaying slightly as she tenses with each arrival notification. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This thought ends abruptly with the
sight of the bathroom wall by the urinal – bright romance trumped by dingy
need. </div>
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<br /></div>
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The girls are not here. They are estranged from their mother
once again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daneal’s absence is a
seasonal thing. She could appear any minute dragging her storms and earthquakes
with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time though Desi
ran off. That’s a sad first. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know she’s fine but the silence she left behind is a heavy one. A layer of the
atmosphere thins when she’s gone – the floating, antagonistic hope that this
place needs so badly.</div>
<br />
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In the late afternoon the clouds gather and the sunlight
begins to taste like steel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
house fills with the hiss of the coffee maker’s last round of the day, staccato
gossip and the clack of the cigarette machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Behind it all is an unspoken waiting for the rain to begin,
for the day to end, for something to change.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-56837384935299638072013-08-04T18:15:00.000-07:002013-08-04T19:41:34.497-07:00Field Tripping <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-59590649048066020562013-02-19T15:36:00.000-08:002013-03-04T20:32:36.742-08:00COURIR WALTZ<br />
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FAQUETAIGUE, COURIR DE MARDI GRAS - EUNICE<br />
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donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-15292359450077117052013-01-03T16:41:00.000-08:002013-01-04T02:17:02.031-08:00some silent some night WINTER LIGHT<br />
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CHRISTMAS</div>
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<span style="font-family: Times;">As a kid the song Silent Night came to mind whenever I walked in the
snow at night. I’d hum it while watching the glimmer in front of me,
trying to fix constellations in the shifting white surfaces. That song taught
me that peace and terror could flow simultaneously from the same source. Glory
streams from heaven on high but all is silent and calm. There is human
intimacy but also a celestial vastness in the lyrics that make it perfect for
consciousness oscillating between the close, fragile warmth of the body in and the sprawling, frozen distance of stars and snow all around.</span><br />
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On the same
walks I used to make snow angels. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> They </span>had a weird power because they were imprints of the
motion of wings. They gave me images of vast, sparkling but completely quiet messengers moving back and forth between the earth and the starlit sky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But snow angels are also craters<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>– the record of impact and surfaces
altered by the force of heavy bodies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The fall of Lucifer, Angel of Light, hides in the glistening furrows.</div>
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At night those snowy walks come back whenever
I look at the holiday lights. They are stars hanging low and house to house. There are no heroes or monsters in these domestic
constellations – only the dot-to-dot shapes of porches, rooftops, trees, perhaps a
deer or two. The most mythic thing we see is the occasional cross or star. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, inside those gentle lights there is the silence produced by snowfall, wide and dark county nights, and the
eyes of angels as fiery and strange the wheels seen by Ezekiel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Glory streams, all is calm, all is
bright.<br />
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NEW YEAR</div>
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Not silent this night. New Years eve. The friendly chatter circling the party. The collective cheer at midnight. The affection and the love spoken and unspoken between friends together feeling the curve of time. The history Mike and I share told with toast and hug. Vomiting and apologies on the street. The clack of heels from girls in high skirts with goose pimples on their legs. A firecracker. A scream. An unheard kiss from Alex delivered across the bar. Ugly remixes of ugly pop songs. The shrieks of Mad Maggie the aging Russian party girl. The drag queen's lipstick – so pink it produces a hum like neon on a wet night. The "Oh, you are a bigger boy than you look!" and the sound of sequined gloved sliding across the crotch of my jeans. The huge wind shoving itself over the river. The slap of cards and the sass of fags and a drunk girl playing cards till dawn. The morning quiet. The after-the-party stillness of the whole city. The hum and click of a house I've never slept in before. The familiar bush of Alex's skin next to mine. The whisky pulse in my head pulling me to the first sleep of the year. A dreamless one.</div>
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donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-55165343251704575432012-11-17T23:34:00.002-08:002012-11-18T00:00:16.948-08:00Northern Lights - Montreal<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-16566089509183453402012-11-05T18:45:00.001-08:002012-11-05T18:45:12.652-08:00More October -<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-29447492714548147102012-10-30T20:13:00.000-07:002012-10-31T17:39:49.216-07:00October Country - '12<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So I’ve just been home in October for the first time in
years. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was only wanting to see
the family that brought me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The old haunted/must return to
the Valley feelings dissipated after completing and showing October
Country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s like I finally
sealed the Valley within me with the help of Mike and that film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact upon my return October Country
played in Portland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it
would be strange to see everyone as they were years back after being with them
just days ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While the movie
played though their <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>current existence
was eclipsed by the present tense of the film. I didn’t once think of how they
look or have progressed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(or not)
since the filming took place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
fact the movie hit me in the gut like it used to while we were editing. At
times it hurt and pulled love and laughter out of me almost as much when the
events were happening in front of my eyes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The only concession my mind made to the time difference between life and film was</span> wondering what reaction the family would have if they watched it now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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For now everyone is getting by despite evictions and poor health and other typical troubles. My parents are working too hard but seem calm and satisfied for
once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Donna was deathly sick and has gone through another round of hell with violent men but her ferocious bitch-wit its intact and she seems to have come through the fire once again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Desi is a constant and miraculous blend of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>cynicism and potential but I worry that
the regional curse of apathy
will catch up with her. Chris is in Pennsylvania with a new family. Daneal and
I have had a falling out but she’s now a waitress at Denny’s in a far off town
and doing well (after going off the deep end once again.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Denise rarely leaves the
house but has ghosts running in circles round her so she says she’s not
lonely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As usual, I’m not convinced
that the unfulfilled semi-existence of a ghost can cure loneliness. But then she’s
made a life of it hasn’t she. The whole Valley has.</div>
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<br />donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-19484389690002669542012-10-09T00:53:00.000-07:002012-10-09T11:59:05.473-07:00(in) visible CAMDEN FILM FEST / ALEX - film/photo (not) made (not) taken<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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PORTLAND</div>
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Before sunrise this morning my low ceilinged room was snug with the presence of Alex and the breathy hum of a fan. I drifted off thinking of him slipping coins in blossoms on our walk home - his thick fingers delicately inserting the dull metal – the flowers bending on their stems as if resisting, then gripping the coin, then bobbing and nodding "yes" on their stalks. I woke just now with the cabin of the plane curving next to my head. It's dark too and full of motor drones. For a moment I forgot an entire day had happened and it seemed I'd slept while the bedroom lifted and transformed. Somewhere though Alex slipped out of this flying chamber. Boston glitters below me; miles back home sunlight glows on his skin. </div>
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<a href="http://camdenfilmfest.org/" target="_blank">CAMDEN FILM FEST</a> - CAMDEN MAINE -</div>
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In her workshop <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0483968/" target="_blank">Mary Lampson</a> deconstructed her edit of a scene in Harlan County USA. She explained that she hinged a crucial emotional shift (playful to violent) on a shot of a cop turning his head, looking directly at the audience, then looking away. It’s a brilliant edit. I almost pity the guy. Who knows what that hard glance meant at the time but it has become a pivotal point in labor history. The very first time I saw this scene I saw my father in the face of that cop. Dedicated young policeman that he was, I was sure he would have fought against the strikers. I was young then and trying to be dedicated to simple ideals of justice myself. I remember the cruel, absolute, naïve anger I felt towards him, towards my entire family history for never struggling in the manner dictated by my newly awakened political alignments. Now in answer to that youthful viewer the cop/my father turns his head and his eye delivers the message “what a dumbass you were.”<br />
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Hanging with Mary afterward I wanted to thank her for that edit (and I should have) but I was enjoying laughing and bitching too much to shift our peer-to-peer present tense into personal history. All evening though I thought of other faces from the film – faces in quiet moments, in humorous and tender moments – all those glances that been shaped to say as much as any of the movie’s union speeches or the cries of its grieving mothers. I thought of the way Mike had filmed my mother and my father. How his eye caught their soft love and their hard love and the struggles written on their brows. I thought of Mary Weiss from Off Label –her face brittle but not breaking as she described her son’s suicide. I thought of other faces from other films and the faces of filmmakers and peers as well. My perfect film would be only long takes of faces, still and wordless but conveying the enormous battles between institutions and people; the quiet battles between individuals and the ghosts that life brings upon them; and finaly the knowledge that everything from fighting ferociously to simply fending off despair is heroic. Thank you Camden, and Mary Lampson, and especially Mike Palmieri for the film I will never make and will makes constantly whenever I look around.</div>
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<b>Film Festival Parties – or Monster’s Ball – or things that
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The festival parties here take place in large rented
houses, mansions even.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> It's mazing how </span>the stately nature and personal history of these houses is lost to their generic, tourist friendly decor and the soullessness of rooms left empty most of the
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tonight's party is an inverse
haunting – the warm, physical living invade the dead body of the house, filling it with memories and histories of the horrors, heartbreaks, and triumphs
they gather in their films or see while working in this
business. At a documentary film party you will always here these words
spoken intimately and with gusto: genocide,
oppression, murder, torture, rape, refuge, exploitation, trauma, fraud, violence,
powerlessness, struggle … There is no doubting the political commitment of the people gathered in this
room but sometimes I’m sure that we make movies to have some control over the
horror film that life can be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
love being in the presence of these wonderful ghouls all the more for that.</div>
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When I photograph Alex (or anyone I really care for) it's almost as if I fall into the early ideas of spirit photography – those theories of spirit radiations that also form images on photo emulsion. The image I want of Alex is not made by light striking the sensor but rather from the wave of emotion that shimmers up whenever I see him – a bright wide wave that is speckled with particles of worry that hang like dust in the sun. This is the subtle light that all lovers emit. Their eyes become photo sensitive plates that capture it from the air. Putting this into a photo is another matter. When I see these pictures they glow with what passes between us but Alex’s beauty is a radiant thing in itself and the special light I see might only register to my eyes.</div>
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his perceptions to work; nor of his generous but ironic enthusiasm for the
stories that get told <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>beneath
make-up and booze at the drag club where he works; nor of the cooling of his body when
the bedroom sweat dries and the gentleness returns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want these very impossible things to be visible in of every image I take of him. I want this of all my images of past lovers, of family, of the world. There are many ways to to take good photographs but for me it only happens – if it happens at all – when you want the impossible from them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><!--EndFragment-->
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donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-65375501496823801382012-08-11T18:44:00.002-07:002012-08-11T18:48:20.747-07:00TOUCH DOWN - a Polaroid (ish) travelogue<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://fleetingaps.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE PAGE</a></div>donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-16304117596086772692012-07-26T03:24:00.000-07:002012-07-30T13:14:52.373-07:00QUIET FIREWORKS - 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">JOHN DAY</span></div>
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On the way to John Day, we heard two different versions of
the Miner’s Prayer – with it’s images of mines and fires the song is perfect
for a town that essentially grew as fires forced migration from the nearby
mining boomtown of Canyon City.
Like all of eastern Oregon there seems to be fire just behind the
surface of things, as if the landscape were printed on paper that could suddenly
darken, char, then ripple and split with flames. And it’s fire oddly enough that keeps the town here. Firefighting is the predominate
occupation here. On Saturday The Grub Steak Saloon is full
of men drinking, playing poker, and talking about the coming fire season the
way farmers talk the growing season of crops. The place, from its beginning has
existed in a precarious balance between the dollar and elemental danger. It
makes sense that the queen of a town built on taking risks (and often loosing)
should be Nan, enthroned at the poker table. Red lips, red nails, a sharp eye and a
sharper tooth behind a wide and genuine smile. The slap of her cards and the
occasional slap of hand away from
her ass punctuate the slurred talk and the muddy juke box. Her eyes are bright
and friendly but her eye make-up has a broken glamour, as if the perfect,
dark lines she applied earlier can’t quite contain the amount of stories she sees unfold in an
evening. Around her table beer and whiskey irrigate the tinderbox night.</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-29898847488232451952012-07-14T17:22:00.003-07:002012-07-26T19:57:23.879-07:00QUIET FIREWORKS - 1<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">JULY 4th</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;">My earliest memory is of holding up a sparkler<br />High up to the darkest sky<br />Some 4th of July spectacular<br />I shook it with an urgency<br />I'll never ever be able to repeat</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 13px;"> Vic Chestnut Panic Pure</span></span></div>
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Riding into the high forest for a
crawdad hunt. The ladies have wind
blown pony-tails, expert eye make-up, and more than a bit of stubble on their
chins. Alex and I are curled in
the backseat, sleepy from sunlight pulsing through trees and the steady rhythm
of gossip. </div>
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“She had to be 6 ft 7 I’ll bet.”</div>
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“She had peacock feather tattoos
and everybody used to make weird bird screams when she entered a bar.”</div>
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“She went to prison for those DWI’s
right?”</div>
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“Yeah her cellmate was a murderer
– it was kinda intense ‘cause he kinda fell in love with her””</div>
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“I wish we’d shaved before we left the city.”</div>
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“It’s ok – if they give us
trouble we just get them high enough not to notice and offer to let them rape
us.”</div>
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“That’d work- we’re thinner than
any of the girlfriends I’ve seen yet – and we have all our teeth.”</div>
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“We’ve also got Sarah behind us
if we get into trouble – In her guy days she was a special unit Marine. She’s got mad sniper skills.”</div>
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The day shimmers – shaking leaves;
slow burning cigarettes and splifs; hot dust: the cold river, blue chilled
hands pulling and grabbing under the water: an armoured crawdad struggling to
escape soft fingers –it’s red, shellacked shell tapped by a hard, perfectly
manicured fingernail.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimf8np7S-UBugXDuIJhd2vAuSofNnR-pMNlMNsrq6Gyg-wDNCatsTwNyPqKDWlAYIS2v2RpZjeAT09eN1R_pioJ3v1fS0RC4uS1lV_jxPJqXvrRQ5DLbihIz5P10cVeWNASL_x9ALUiGg/s1600/EXIT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimf8np7S-UBugXDuIJhd2vAuSofNnR-pMNlMNsrq6Gyg-wDNCatsTwNyPqKDWlAYIS2v2RpZjeAT09eN1R_pioJ3v1fS0RC4uS1lV_jxPJqXvrRQ5DLbihIz5P10cVeWNASL_x9ALUiGg/s400/EXIT.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1566111527587079606.post-82354636408335945182012-04-12T17:35:00.017-07:002012-04-12T20:14:58.103-07:00HUSH AND HEAR - A NOTE ABOUT MARY WEISS<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">She dreams a little, and she feels the dark
</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">Encroachment of that old catastrophe,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">As a calm darkens among water-lights.
<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">The pungent oranges and bright, green wings
<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">Seem things in some procession of the dead,
<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">Winding across wide water, without sound.
<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">The day is like wide water, without sound,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: white; font-family: Arial;"><i style="background-color: black;">Stilled for the passing of her dreaming feet…<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><i style="background-color: black;"><br />
</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: white;">From Sunday Morning by Wallace Stevens </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; color: #262626;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQYP3XOd6J-dSgsKe5xODEPRxzUKFXCrQaPMU0M0lR4jalNJn3oCAgQpq7yFY56iE8j6kQG9faF-fvNFueMFSONSzPPDVBpMa8IxNihmMdK0iss5X0BbB3FgVIu_QSIRRnEKrGYw97at4/s1600/P1000751.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQYP3XOd6J-dSgsKe5xODEPRxzUKFXCrQaPMU0M0lR4jalNJn3oCAgQpq7yFY56iE8j6kQG9faF-fvNFueMFSONSzPPDVBpMa8IxNihmMdK0iss5X0BbB3FgVIu_QSIRRnEKrGYw97at4/s400/P1000751.JPG" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: white;">Outside my window Portland is blooming noisily – scattered rain, creaking bicycles, adults conversing, children playing – all in the warm wind that hisses over the city, tossing blizzards of apple and cherry blossoms over the streets – so many petals you could make a snowman of them.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: black; color: #262626; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14pt;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI0mHgupMEwMvZt6X9PRgGN2KvE3CZt9xASLyo2XlUEf1Orbdd7OngMdHDjw-JNxhPlq34dAF1hUg_12KzuqsMVVsynVwatNQxBgu3R7XpRn6bw8qkCy1HfXiDjulPJAuycynIFF0jxx4/s1600/mary1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI0mHgupMEwMvZt6X9PRgGN2KvE3CZt9xASLyo2XlUEf1Orbdd7OngMdHDjw-JNxhPlq34dAF1hUg_12KzuqsMVVsynVwatNQxBgu3R7XpRn6bw8qkCy1HfXiDjulPJAuycynIFF0jxx4/s400/mary1.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Arial;">On the screen in front of me is a scene from Off Label – a scene with Mary Weiss talking about the death of her son. I will never forget having the headphones on, the microphone delivering each word, each breath between as she told us of </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white; font-family: Arial;">her son’s delusions of satanic cults and demons after him; of how he was coerced by his doctors into a drug marketing study; and the grisly details of his final moments. She sat across the table but her anger, her horror, and her terrible sadness might as well have been whispered into my ear. I can’t say that I’ve ever had a more intimate experience with a human voice. And I can’t imagine Mike ever had a more intimate experience of a human face through a lens. The last sounds on that audio clip are long, shaky sighs from her, from me, from Mike, as the story finished. Not a word, only breath. It’s fitting that this scene begins and end with the wind – a thick sound that brings us to her, hides beneath her story, and then takes us away of over the water. </span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">Mary was gracious enough to give us those details of her son’s death that she had never allowed to be made public. And she was gracious enough to allow them into the film. Needless to say, we are grateful and proud to present her story. There’s a terrible irony then in the fact that several severe strokes have crippled her speech functions. Even as her story goes public again, this time with her own voice speaking it, she is struggling to regain her own ability to speak. Mary is also a woman of faith. She believes her son’s spirit has found peace. She has a complex belief in angels. When I hear the wind during her scene or now, rushing with blossoms and raindrops by my window, I hope it is caused by the wings of her angels, delivering her voice back to her.</span><br />
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</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black;">Links:</span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: orange;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> For the film trailer </span><span class="Apple-style-span">:</span> <a href="http://offlabelfilm.com/" target="_blank">OFF LABEL </a></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: black; color: orange; font-family: Arial;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: black; color: orange;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; font-family: Arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"> Please read Carl Elliott's article on Mary Weiss and Dan Markingson for Mother Jones magazine:</span></span> </span></span><a href="http://motherjones.com/environment/2010/09/dan-markingson-drug-trial-astrazenecafile://localhost/Volumes/NO%20NAME/mary1.tif" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span">the d</span><span class="Apple-style-span">eadly corruption of clinical trials</span></span></a></span></div></div>donal Mosherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10385180403029151095noreply@blogger.com